In my most recent therapy session I was talking about how I felt like people (including my wife) wouldn’t want to stay in my life if they really knew me. My therapist stopped me and asked what deep, dark secrets I was hiding that would scare people away. What was one thing about me I felt like people couldn’t handle. I mean…well there is…I feel like….
I really hate it when my therapist asks me questions I can’t answer.
But it is so important that she asks them. I can’t answer those questions because I’ve never allowed, or more accurately my depression and anxiety, have never let me ask those questions. And only once they are asked can I truly start to see myself.
I feel like people won’t want to know me because of my depression. My depression makes me feel like I am unknowable, unlovable. It makes me feel like the I am broken and need to be discarded. It makes me feel like I am so revolting that there is not even a word for it, like the festering pain I feel is an infected, pustulating wound that no one can look at or be around.
But here is the really cool thing. The people in my life who are most important know about my depression and accept me. Because my depression may make me feel like I am not worth knowing, but that is just a lie. I am worth knowing. And I promise, so are you, dear reader. So. Are. You.
The Dark Tales Project 
I really like this insight into mental health. It’s a piece of it that is rarely told about the process of getting through the depression.
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Thanks for the comment! Having depression sucks. A lot. But if my experience can give people more of an insight into the mental health process and offer comfort to people who are currently struggling, then maybe some good will come out of it! If you know of anyone currently struggling, please feel free to share it with them.
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I can really relate to this. On my darker days, I often question why people stick around me and ask “if they saw what was inside my head, they’d leave.”
That’s what the depression wants you to believe. It isn’t true. You’re right; we’re all worth knowing. We all have something to offer, even if our minds tell us differently.
Thank you for sharing this.
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I always felt so different and so alone before I understood my mental illness. Who am I kidding talking in the past tense, I still feel that way at times, its just now I have fewer bad days. Hopefully my experience can give people some comfort if they are currently struggling. I fully believe that shining a light on our darkness robs it of its power.
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Yes! We ARE worth knowing! After 36 years of depression and staying quiet to put on a front, I’m not hiding it any more. Only by telling people can we get help and gain acceptance. Good for you, Juan!
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