Last night my depression came back. Fuck. I’d been doing so well too. I curled on the couch watching Netflix, thankful for my cat and my wife. Wishing I could be more present with them. I saw them, I heard them, but felt like I wasn’t able to really connect with them.
Recognizing it as a depressive episode and knowing it will pass is a huge step. It took me years of therapy just to get to that point. But for now that is a hollow comfort. Today is hard and there is no getting around that.
The only reason I was able to force myself into work today was because it is a light day. I don’t have any meetings or client calls. I can just put my headphones on and not have to deal with people. That way I can save sick days for when I do need them. When I do have to deal with people, but I know I just can’t face them.
And the only reason I forced myself to post this is because if I’m going to have a mental health blog then I need to show the bad days. I need to show the days that really fucking suck. Hopefully people will see those days and they will see that it does get better. And hopefully I’ll be able to keep that in mind until this depression lifts.
Positivity is always welcome on these dark days.