Yesterday was a bad day for me. I missed my train. In the process of changing my password at work I managed to lock myself out of my work computer. And the Bruins lost, evening the Stanley Cup Final at 2 games each. And while everyone has bad days, mine open the door for my demons to play, wreaking havoc on my mental health.
You see, I generally assume that it is my fault that I am having a bad day. My anxiety convinces me that I am as inadequate as I feel, and that is why bad things are happening, as opposed to just being bad luck. These feelings fester, inviting my depression to join the fray.
After all the therapy and all the mindfulness I’ve worked on, I should know better. Some days, sometimes I do. Other times I let the wicked lies of mental illness through and find myself having to fight my way out of the hole again.
I can’t control bad days. But I can control my reaction to them and in that regard I need to be better, while still forgiving myself for allowing my demons to play yesterday. Forgiveness is an important part of progress and that is what I need to work on today. That and hopefully having better luck.