“Everything in life is only for now. Don’t stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now!“
That line is from the crude but hilarious musical, Avenue Q, and it has been going through my head relentlessly the last few days. And here is why…
As I said yesterday, I am in the process of seeking a reasonable accommodation to work from home three days a week because of my anxiety disorder. Waiting for my employer to respond is stressful. On top of that, I’m waiting to hear back from my insurance company over the fate of my poor car after I was recently in a car accident. And all these stressors are pushing my anxiety to nearly overwhelming levels.
Right now, I can’t just not stress. I can’t relax and let life roll of my back. That is not how my anxiety disorder works. Yet I can at least avoid being overwhelmed by the feeling by reminding myself that these stressors are only for now.
And other stressors will come. Depressions will come. Anxious times will be in my future. The writers of Avenue Q may sue me for blatant use of their lyrics in this post (if you’re reading this writers, please don’t do that, I really loved your show). Yet despite the lies whispered to me by the demons of my mental illness, these moments of darkness won’t last forever.
My mental illness, sadly, may not be something that is only for now. There is a good chance it will be a constant struggle for me until my dying days. Yet, the truly bad days aren’t forever. They, as Trekkie Monster, Kate Monster, and the incredible company of Avenue Q remind me, are only for now.