The Mask, and Our Very Own Horror Show

People are hard for me. Trusting them. Interacting with them. Understanding them. And yet all these things that have so escaped me are things I have to do if I want to work, and pay the mortgage, and pay bills, and put food on the table,  and so much more. And so I put on a mask.

art-artist-black-and-white-669319
Masks seem to be so common among mental health sufferers. Photo by Francesco Ungaro via Pexels.com.

I think most people who struggle with mental illnesses have a similar mask. A mask that isn’t quite human, but is a close enough facsimile. Sometimes the mask is a smile and a quick, “fine, how ‘bout you?” when someone asks “hows it going?”  Sometimes the mask is biting your tongue to keep from screaming at the crushing sensation you feel when you’re trapped in a crowded situation. Sometimes it is a hidden bottle of booze to help numb the worst of it. Sometimes it is the ways we harm ourselves physically, hoping that the pain will reflect the struggle within. 

We’ve all seen the horror flick with the villain in a mask that no one wants to see. But our mask is just the opposite. It is what we think everyone else wants to see. And by wearing this mask we voluntarily trap ourselves in our very own horror show, letting our demons fester while our mask hides how desperately we need help. 

 

And our mask stays on as the darkness envelops us. 

Our mask stays on as we smile and thank others for burying us deeper in the darkness. 

Our masks stay on as we sink. 

Our masks stay on because we’ve worn them so long they’ve burrowed into our skin. We’ve worn them so long that we have forgotten what it is like without the mask. 

 

I want to take off the mask. I want to escape the horror show. And maybe someday I will. And people will see me and it’ll be okay. Maybe this blog is just the start, me peeking out from behind my mask hoping to see someone one else peeking out from behind theirs. Maybe someday the mask won’t be needed for any of us. 

 

Maybe, but unfortunately that day is not today.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “The Mask, and Our Very Own Horror Show

  1. This is such a well thought out entry, every bit of it resonates within me. There are days when I wish my mask truly worked, but the real me sneaks through the fibers that are the mask. I push myself to be positive every day, but some days are rougher than others.
    Again, I was truly moved by your post.

    Like

Leave a Reply to Juan Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s