The Impostor in the Darkness

Today is one of those days where I feel like I have no right to talk about my battle. It’s one of those days where I’m sure my writing is terrible and that I’m just exaggerating my struggles. It is one of those days where my mental illnesses try to convince me that I don’t need therapy or medication, that I’m just wasting money that could go to savings instead. It is a day that my mental illnesses try to convince me that I am just an impostor in the darkness. 

I don’t write this for sympathy or reassurances, but rather as not so subtle f- you to my demons, who I know deep down are lying to me. 

The lies whispered by mental illnesses are a really, truly shitty reality when it comes to living with mental illnesses. They convince you that the struggles are your fault. They convince you that the fights and hardships they create in your personal and professional life are your fault, when in fact it is the demons. 

These lies they whisper are meant to drag you down deeper. They are meant to isolate you and bury you in your own darkness. I am writing this because the therapy and the medicine I take work. I am writing this because even though I feel like a failure, like an impostor in the darkness, I know that is just a lie. And so I push through the darkness and push through the writer’s block and push through the lies of my mental demons.

And if you are struggling with something similar, I promise, from someone who has been in that darkness, who is there now, that it does get better. You get better. You have nothing to be ashamed about if you are struggling and there is no shame in seeking help. After all, you wouldn’t be reading this if I hadn’t gotten help.

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