My therapist, well all the therapists that I’ve seen, have an annoying habit of just staring at me when I say something. It is like they want me to go deeper into the issues I am having. Sometimes I try to have a staring contest with them, but I never win. With my current therapist, I normally look out the window at this point, but she closed the blinds on the window yesterday so that I’d be less likely to do that. I just can’t win.
But that is the point. I won’t talk about my issues unless pressed, and the staring contest that I’m pretty sure only I am playing, well that is the first step in nudging me along. And that is after all what I am paying her for, to nudge me along in the right direction.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, the brand of therapy I am currently in, is all about identifying the thought patterns that lead to depression and anxiety. Of course, that means the therapist must know that thought processes involved. And that means I have to actually confront those thought processes and put them into words, something that I fight with all my being against doing.
But it isn’t me that fighting. It is my depression. It is the demon within me that knows that these issues are at the heart of my darkness, the trigger for my depression and anxiety. And that demon will throw all the depression and all the anxiety it can at me to make me reluctant to face those issues. And it would succeed too, if it weren’t for my therapist’s staring contests.
Well, that and the fact that I really suck at staring contests.