One of the adjustments I made when I moved to the Midwest was that soda became pop. Pop of course is what pop also does if shaken too much. And thinking about pop going pop is a pretty darn good analogy for my anxiety.
My anxiety, like the carbonation in pop, seems to always be in me. But when I’m stressed, such as when I don’t sleep well, or when I am in a crowded situation, or when I am worried about really anything and everything that probably won’t go wrong, but that could go wrong, then it is like that pop gets shaken.
And only one of two things can come next. Ideally, I find someway to release the anxiety, the way you might relieve the pressure by very slowly opening the can or bottle. However, if I can’t release that pressure, then it feels like I am going to pop and explode everywhere. Metaphorically I mean. I don’t literally explode. Although come to think of it that is probably how spontaneous combustion happens. Shit, now that is something else for me to worry about.
Sorry, that metaphor and really this whole post has kind of gotten away from me. There really doesn’t seem to be any kind of a filter between my mind and this paper. Apparently filters are for people who got more sleep than I did last night.
But, in a bring it full circle sort of way, this is a perfect example of slowly releasing the pressure of anxiety. One of the nice things about this blog is that it forces me to examine my own experiences and vent them onto the page. So, I guess if you’re reading this you’re getting some of my pop on you? Don’t worry though, it is a lot less sticky than when pop actually explodes.
Although come to think of it, as I writer I kind of want it to be sticky. After all, who writes something they hope is forgotten right away. No, I hope this is sticky. But sticky in an ‘I hope it sticks with you’ sort of way, not in an, ‘I hope you get ants’ sort of sticky. Although, if you do get ants I’ve learned that making barriers out of cinnamon is a great deterrent. I don’t really know where cinnamon fits in my pop analogy, but really this post is all over the place. Kind of like pop. And cinnamon that has been spread to deter ants.
P.S., I’m sorry you had to go through that stream of consciousness exercise of mine, but if you made it all the way through, thank you. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more rested and more put together…