…apparently not. Last post I wrapped up by saying that I would hopefully be more put together, but sadly that is not the case as my anxiety is still wreaking havoc. For those who don’t have the joy of generalized anxiety disorder, let me give you a brief preview.
I didn’t put food in the cats bowl. I mean she already had food in the bowl, that is why I didn’t put more in, but what if she eats all of that and is hungry and starts meowing? And then what if her meowing gets someone’s attention, and they break in to see if the cat needs assistance, and after they break in burglars come and rob me? And in the midst of all this chaos the cat gets out in search for food and instead attracts bears and now I am blamed for the rise in crime in my neighborhood and bringing bears to town and everyone hates me.
Wait, what if everyone already hates me?
And on and on this incessant and ridiculous line of thinking goes until I am fried and the world around me jangles my nerves, leaving me raw and broken and open to more worry.
What if I never get better? What if I make things worse for my family? What if the money I am spending on therapy and medication is money that could be used for them?
It is a vicious cycle, and as you can see one that has many levels of severity. I know the cat isn’t going to somehow be single handedly responsible for bringing criminals and bears and tigers (oh my) to the neighborhood, but I worry constantly about it. And these thoughts still swirl through my head along with the thoughts that I am no good, that I am a disappointment to my family, etc.
And this is why anxiety disorders are so much more than a little extra worry. They can be absolutely debilitating. It can trap me in my own house, too exhausted to fight back against the parade of horribles that anxiety causes to run through my mind.
And unfortunately, my solution is no better than yesterday: Wait it out and hope I am better tomorrow.