During my therapy session yesterday, my therapist and I were talking about how I can at least do something positive when in the midst of a depressive episode, even if it is just watching something I enjoy on Netflix because I don’t have the energy for anything else. She suggested that I could watch uplifting things when I was struggling with an anxious period or depressive episode.
“No thanks,” I replied, “I’ll stick with zombies.”
It isn’t me snubbing my nose at uplifting stories, those are fine. On the contrary, it is about being mindful about where I am with my mental health and also knowing that zombies and vampires and the creepy crawlies of dark tales are what works for me. Mindfulness and self-care include knowing what works for you.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
No mental illness is the same. Even if you and I have the same diagnosis, chances are what pulls me out of a depressive episode will be very different from what pulls you out of a depressive episode. For me, it is the suspense of whether a zombie horde will overtake the protagonists or whether the vampire will outsmart the vampire hunter.
Perhaps it is that in my darkness I take comfort in watching things that go bump in the night. Perhaps it is that no better how bad my impostor syndrome gets, at least I know I’m better off they the walking dead because I have a pulse. I am still alive, even if in the midst of my depression I am much less lively than the beasts of the night.
So I will stick with the zombies thank you very much. And I hope wherever you are you find your own zombies to enjoy.