I really hate having to talk to people on the phone. I mean friends or family are fine, whatever. I may not be the best at keeping in touch with people, but I can manage calls if I know the person. What I struggle with are business calls.
Straightening out a mix-up with insurance, or calling a customer service number with a question about something, or even ordering a pizza. These are scenarios I desperately try to avoid, even when doing so might make things less convenient for me.
I think it is that I already struggle with reading social cues as is, when you take away any visual cues it is even harder. And I over-analyze every word in as a torturous, syllabic soliloquy of how sorrowful my syntax happens to be sings mournfully through my mind. I obsess over each word choice, each pronunciation. Are they getting the message? What if the line drops and I have to call back? It is an anxiety creating moment that causes me to curse Alexander Graham Bell for ever inventing this infernal contraption, even if it does prevent me from having to go out into the real world for any reason.
Yet I know that most if not all of my struggle with the telephone is all in my head. I know my mental illness lies to me and makes that struggle even harder. And in those moments, when I see the lies of mental illness for what they are, I am able to push them aside, along with my anxiety, pick up the phone, and dial.
And that is how I get better.
At doing something most people do without a second thought.
Ugh, damn you Alexander Graham Bell.