Yesterday I felt the unmistakable tightness of anxiety rising within. As someone with an anxiety disorder, I was plenty familiar with the feeling. However, in most cases, I can identify where the feeling comes from. That was not the case last night.
Don’t get me wrong, there is certainly no shortage of things to be anxious about during these troubling times. With the invisible enemy of Coronavirus spreading through our population and threatening to overwhelm hospitals, it is easy to allow the anxiety of what will happen to each of us, to our loved ones, run wild. Yet in the case of last night, that was not the trouble.
I’ve had these moments before. Moments when my darkness stays out of sight, not revealing its source, making it harder to fight. They are never easy. And soon I start to have anxiety about anxiety.
Does this mean my anxiety disorder is getting worse? Is there something I am missing? Why can’t I calm myself?
In the end, breathing exercises, meditations, these things can all help. Yet as with the darkness that comes each night, sometimes all you can do is wait for it to pass. Which it always does.
This morning I am better. Yet I share it now so that you know that if are ever tormented by demons who choose to stay out of sight that you are not alone. There are others out there fighting similar battles.
And it does get better. The darkness does pass.