The last few days have been hard for me. Not the days so much as the nights. And hard for me in the sense that I haven’t been sleeping well, kept up at nights by the bastard that is anxiety.
Anxiety for me is always present. It is typically a low-level worry buzzing in the background. Sometimes it is worse though. Sometimes it is an all-consuming presence. Typically, I can identify a trigger for my anxiety. These last few days though, I’ve been anxious about something in the shadows, something unseen (as mentioned the other day).
And so, I toss and turn in a bed, or I watch television, read, do puzzles, anything to distract myself and exhaust my mind so that I can sleep. I stare at a clock as it ticks time away, growing more tired but unable to sleep because my anxiety won’t rest.
And I get it. Anxiety triggers my fight-or-flight response. And so my body won’t let me sleep because playing dead is not a part of the normal fight-or-flight response. Unfortunately.
Of course, I can’t fight or flee from my shadowy demons. They are always with me. If I can identify my triggers, then I can usually talk myself down. Yet these amorphous terrors elude me and my ability to talk myself down. And so I lay restlessly, waiting for the shadows to pass.
Because I know they will. And if you are struggling with your own shadowy demons, know that they will pass. You are stronger than them and you can wait them out.
Just like I am now.
Until then, coffee helps with the tiredness, mindfulness meditation helps stay mentally sharp, and exercise gives an outlet for the adrenaline of your fight-or-flight response.
Hopefully, this will help you be well until next time. And as always, thanks for reading.