When I Am The Only One I Trust And I Still Fail

It is difficult for me to trust. Part of that is because of past occasions when I have been burned and part of it is the lies of my mental illness. As such, when I need something done, it is hard because I struggle to let myself trust someone else to do it, even though my depression drags me down, making it hard for me to do it myself as well.

Put another way, I am high on the list of people I have a hard time trusting. Or more accurately trusting myself with depression is hard. It pulls me down. It convinces me I shouldn’t try. If I do try, my anxiety jumps in to tell me that I am failing. And if I actually bring myself to trust someone else to help me with my burdens, then I have anxiety it won’t get done at all because my mental illness lies and says that other people will probably forget, that I am not that important.

Yet rebuilding trust is about pushing these lies aside and moving forward with the struggle that comes with trusting others, and most importantly trusting yourself. Writing about my battle helps. It forces me to face my fears, my dark tales, in the light of day, instead of in the shadows. And I hope it helps you as well. Because, as I am discovering, trusting others and trusting yourself opens the door to healing, which of course is the goal.

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