I want to build upon the ocean theme I talked about yesterday. Specifically, I want to talk about when the waves of depression aren’t rogue and unexpected but instead build as part of a storm.
As I mentioned yesterday, I am just coming out of a depressive episode. And while some depressive episodes are like rogue waves, appearing out of nowhere, others are like storms. I feel them building. I will feel more tired the day before, more distracted. I will feel, literally feel myself becoming detached and disinterested from the things that I care about.
And the winds of time blow and the clouds darken the sky as rain lashes the portholes. When the storm is really bad, life crashes over my bow like waves that are too big to be allowed and I feel swamped and overwhelmed by life as I retreat to the lifeboat of my bed, unable to summon the energy to steer myself out of the darkness.
And the first time these storms came, they blotted out the light so completely that I thought the sun would never come again. But now I know the sun is waiting, just behind the storm clouds. And it will reappear when the storm passes. And the storm always passes.
Now, thanks to therapy and the love and support of the people in my life I even am able to take a few steps to help calm the storm, even if it is only an ever so slight calming of the tempest. I can surround myself with Netflix, or with music that helps me. I can push away the music I know will hurt me more, no matter how much I might want to hear it. Sometimes, some songs are like a drowning man that will merely pull you down with them.
And like I said, the sun always comes out. I write this as a reminder to myself, something I can look back to when the storms return, but also as a reminder to all of you who might be struggling right now, especially as the clouds of COVID continue to cover all of us, exacerbating the normal storms we might experience. So wherever you are, just keep sailing. The sun is waiting for you.