Anxiety sucks. There is no denying it. Yet sometimes it is familiar, like a sweater that is always uncomfortable and itchy, no matter what. And at least you know it will be uncomfortable and you can plan for it. But what happens when the anxiety that you are familiar with throws you a curveball?
For me, when that happens, it can throw all the progress I’ve made into disarray. I can go back to feeling like the world is falling apart and nothing is in control, even if in the back of my head I know that isn’t true.
I say this because I recently found new anxiety over leaving the house. I understand that this is in part because I don’t leave the house that often anymore, because of the COVID, and that rare or new experiences are challenges, but nevertheless the new twist, the new twinges of anxiety when I do have to leave, well let’s just say they really suck.
Yet I’ve been here before. I’ve been through new anxiety spells. I know that I need to get ahead of them before they lead to depressive episodes, the result of a world that I perceive as being against me, that I perceive as being too much to handle. And this is why I understand the importance of getting ahead of the anxiety, of viewing it as an opportunity to grow.
And somedays I will fail. And I have to view my failures with compassion when that happens. Because viewing it with compassion will allow me to continue growing, it will allow me to continue healing. Because even new twists have familiar elements that you can use to rediscover your control and resume your healing.
At least that is what I keep telling myself.