Sometimes I Can’t Tell If I’m The One Who Is Mentally Ill, or If It Is The World Around Me

I am completely exhausted. As is most of America I assume. This election week has been a trip for my anxiety. And again, I assume that this is true for much of America as well. 

And it is in moments like this that I look around and wonder, am I the one who is mentally ill, or is it the rest of the world. 

I am, but it can be hard to tell sometimes. 

I imagine this is also how those in other countries think when they look at our national train wreck that is the electoral college voting system every four years. Of course, there are probably many other thoughts that the rest of the world has when looking at America. 

And of course the world isn’t mentally ill, it is just chaotic, and full of false promises.

The problem of course is that when the darkness of your mental illness lies to you, and you can’t tell the difference between what is true from partisan pundits and what is also a lie, you can devolve quickly into a dark, downward spiral. Especially when it is an election year and the future of the nation hangs in the balance. 

And this anxiety is likely true regardless of who you voted for. And if you, like me, struggle with anxiety, the extra helping of anxiety being served up this week is probably somewhat unwelcome. And some of you might say, just avoid social media and the regular media until it is all over, but my anxiety also makes me terrified of missing out on breaking news, of being the last one to know. 

Which brings me back to the fact that I am completely exhausted. 

Because I am mentally ill, and while the rest of the world might not be, I can say it is certainly chaotic as fuck, and that does not help my mental illness one iota. And all of this means that I, and the rest of America (presumably) will be happy when all of this is eventually over and we can all sleep again.

You know, if the anxiety and mental illness don’t get in the way.

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