There are many really shitty aspects to having a mental illness. One of those are the demons. Mine are anxiety and depression and they travel around with, tormenting me. And I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to talk about my mental illness in terms of demons, but frankly it is too appropriate a metaphor not to use. Thanks to therapy and medication, I can usually tell my demons to fuck off, but sometimes I am just too tired or too stressed or too whatever to manage that. Sometimes the demons knock me down. Sometimes they manage this all by themselves, sometimes they use their doppelgangers.
Who are their doppelgangers you ask? They are triggers. Mirror images of my demons that exist out in the world, waiting to trip me up, waiting to help my demons knock me down. These triggers can be coming across someone who is talking about abandonment, which is something I’ve constantly struggled with. Or it is someone talking about self-doubt, which is also one of my demon’s minions.
And sometimes these doppelgangers join my demons, traveling around with me, holding me down, pushing me towards my dark, downward spiral. And it sucks.
But since it is Friday, I’m not going to leave you on such a dark note. Because even when my demons and their doppelgangers knock me down, I get back up again. I find the strength to tell them to go back to hell, even though I know they won’t listen. But just because they don’t listen, doesn’t mean it isn’t empowering.
And I find this strength to get back up because I have my own allies. Just like my demons have their doppelgangers, I have my own team that can help lift me up again. Because when those of us who have battled mental illness tell others that it is okay not to be okay, or that you are never alone, it is far more than a cliche. These things are the doppelgangers of own recovery, doppelgangers that we send out to the world to help others battle their own demons.
So if demons and their doppelgangers are something you battle with, know that you are not alone. That it is okay to not be okay. And that you will have the strength to get up again.
Thanks for reading, and have a good weekend.