This is a slightly modified entry from my journal. Journaling is an important way for me to reflect on the past, process past trauma, and work towards maintaining my recovery. As such, I felt like it was important to be honest with you from time to time about these inner steps towards recovery, in the sincere hope that it helps you on your own path to healing and happiness.
We have a new president. A new Congress. Yet as the country moves forward, I feel like I am still stuck in the past, still haunted by past memories. I feel like I am still trying to solve past problems.
Part of this is idolizing people from my past who I looked up to. People who I saw as happy, unburdened by the demons of mental illness. In my darkness, I didn’t see that they had their own battles as well. We all struggle, we all have our own battles that must be fought. Yet I only ever seemed to focus on those who it seemed had won their battles. And this only further isolated me in the darkness of my own mental illness.
Realizing this is important. Perhaps it can go towards my constant efforts to have more self-compassion. And perhaps being more compassionate towards myself will allow me to be more compassionate, more forgiving towards others. Because I know that what haunts me from the past are things I haven’t forgiven, things my mind forbids me to see and feel and process. I know that as long as I am unable to confront those ghosts, part of me will be trapped in the past.
Realizing this opens the door to a different future for me. One where I can build on the foundation of my past instead of being buried by it. Hopefully, I can finally escape yesterday, and enjoy tomorrow.
And I hope that for your too, dear reader. And I hope that this shines a light on some of the realizations that I have been working on through journaling. Most of my journal entries aren’t quite so polished, some are little more than disjointed thoughts. Yet on the whole, it gives me a different view of my mind and of the demons that occasionally wreak havoc in there. And maybe journaling can do that for you as well. Maybe it too can help you escape yesterday and enjoy tomorrow.
Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend.