There are several factors that have fed into my depression and anxiety. Some I’ve processed and developed coping tools for with the help of therapy. Others I am still struggling to confront. Part of it is that I am not good with conflict, even internal conflict. Part of it is that I am afraid of the feelings that might be released when I do confront these deeper-seated issues. Yet to quote Yoda, “the dark side, fear leads to.” Being afraid of the feeling and healing that comes with it will only lead to more dark tales. I should not be afraid of the feeling or the healing and neither should you.
Battling mental illness is not pleasant. It is a constant struggle. Even when my depression is in check, I have anxiety about when it will come back. Plus, I have anxiety about everything else too. It is something I have to constantly monitor and be aware of. Yet there is also a familiarity with it. Recovery can take time, and effort, and can be very intense. And sometimes, the lies of depression convince you that it just isn’t worth it. Yet it is.
It is natural to be afraid of the deep-seated feelings that might be behind the darkness. Yet the reward for working through that fear and working through those feelings is a more centered way of living through healing and recovery. That is where I am now, and what I hope to work through in the coming weeks. And this post is as much to remind me of the value that comes from not fearing the feeling or the healing as it is to remind you of that reality. Hopefully, it helps.
Have a good weekend everyone!