I realized recently that I’ve been doing this blog for about two and a half years. And sometimes people ask about it getting old, or hard to come up with material. But that isn’t the case. This is a story about my recovery, and recovery is slow. Sometimes it can be hard to see the subtle changes, but when the dark tale is stretched out, it becomes easier to see by comparison. It is interesting looking back at my first posts to see how my demons and dark tales have changed.
The changes are subtle. Sometimes they are positive changes, a reflection of the progress I have made in my recovery. Other times they are negative changes, ways my mental illness has changed in response to my treatment, or relapses I’ve had. Indeed, the changes I’ve seen from my demons, the twists that have occurred within my own dark tales, are as bright and beautiful as they are dark and terrifying.
Yet what I am learning is that those changes are slowly moving me toward a better, healthier place. It can be frustrating doing it in a two-step-forward-one-step-back approach. However, I can take comfort knowing that underneath that twisting dark tale is me. The real me. The one that exists despite the darkness, peaking out from time to time to see the world. And to let the wold see me.
And one of the most encouraging changes that has occurred over the years is that this me, the real me, has been peaking out more and more as I grow to silence the lies of my demons and grow more comfortable in my own skin. And as I think about the changes that might be on the horizon, I hope to see this continue. And if this is something you struggle with, then I hope that for you as well. And until then, we’ll just have to stay buckled in for the twists and turns and changes that our dark tales continue to throw our way, confident in the fact that we are twisting our way in the right direction, and that at some point those dark tales will change into brighter and better tales. And I look forward to that day. For all of us.