Mental illness can be truly terrifying for many reasons. The lies that mental illness so expertly whispers can sometimes worm its way into your perception of reality, making it hard to know what is real or what isn’t. It isolates you from others, which is often exactly what you need. And sometimes it tries to kill you.
This is the darkest tale mental illness has to tell. Early on in my depression, there were periods of passive suicidal ideation, but I am fortunate that I had a support network that held me back and kept me from going towards that dark end. Yet that darkness still scares me.
Yet my brain found a new way to try to kill me. In my dreams. I talked yesterday about how I had been having a recurring dream. The most recent iteration of this dream ended with me attempting to die by suicide, only to have a member of my support network found me. Needless to say this was a disturbing dream to wake up from.
But what I realize now after talking to my therapist is that the very reason it is disturbing to me is because I am not that darkness. It is not who I am. It may try to darken my inner self, my true self, but it can’t. It can’t because I am stronger than it. And so are you.
So whenever your brain tries to kill you, whether in the real world or in the dream world, know that you are stronger than your brain.