I know that I have touched on this question in past posts, but I wanted to circle back to it now because it is something that I have been working through recently. Who am I?
My first response is to belt out that I am 24601 (if you don’t get the reference, go watch Les Mis right now. I’ll wait). However, that is just a deflection because I am scared to answer for real. Actually, I don’t know how to answer, and that is what scares me.
The question was first posed to me by my first therapist. She asked if I knew who I am. At first I thought it was such a ridiculous question. Yet after a little digging I realized I don’t know how to answer that. And that has been something I have been working on for some time.
And after all the work that I’ve put into it I think I know parts of it, parts of the dark tales that make up who I am. Part of what needs to happen now, according to my current therapist, is that I need to be able to reconcile these different parts, putting them together like a jigsaw puzzle. The jigsaw puzzle that is me.
It will take time to do this, just as it has taken time to get to this point in the first place. And that it is okay. It is okay to not have all the answers, even when the question is a foundational as who you are. It is okay to be figuring it out. It is okay to not know. It is okay to not be okay about this. It is okay to not be okay. Period.
And that is the real point of this post, both for myself and for others, is that it is okay to not have all the answers. Our demons lie, and those lies can hide who we are, and that is really tough to deal with. Unraveling and recovering from those lies takes time.
And in the mean time, who am I? I am a work in progress. I am still discovering who I am. And if you are still a work in progress, than you can know I am right there with you.
Have a good weekend everyone. Thanks for reading.