Depression sucks. It is the truest understatement I can make. There are times it lurks so far back in the shadows that I think it is gone. Yet it is just waiting for me to fall. Waiting for its chance to hurt me the way it has in the past. And when those moments come, I realize that it is the same darkness, just with a different face.
I say this recognizing the depression creeping back in. Before when it came back it was obvious. It was hard to get out of bed when it came back. It was hard to be engaged. However, its new face is a lack of motivation that I never saw before. Recognizing this will help me push back against the darkness. It will help me fight back.
It is also why mindfulness is so important to maintaining my recovery. Mindfulness helps me recognize the darkness when it creeps out of the shadows with a different face. It is also probably why the darkness has been able to claw its way back the last few weeks, is because I haven’t been as good in my mindfulness practice.
Depression sucks. It is also humbling. It knocks you down when you think you are doing so well. Yet there is no shame in getting knocked down by depression. Just as any other illness has its challenges, depression does as well. And when it knocks you down, the most important thing is that you get back up again. Because depression can come at you with different faces. But self-care routines help me be just as versatile in my recovery.
I say this so that you know that if your own demons come at you with different faces, you are not alone. But you are strong enough to have survived so far, and you are strong enough to continue surviving. No matter what faces your darkness wear.