Okay, so this is going to just be a weird, random post, but does anyone ever feel guilty when they miss packages being delivered to them? Like, you get that tag that says, we’re sorry we missed you, but internally are like, “no, I am sorry.”
Part of this I know is my anxiety, that I think anything that doesn’t go right is somehow my fault. Part of it is that I think I would often prefer to be home instead of out in the world. And part of it I think is just a reflection of a world out of sync with how I want to live it.
For example, I recently missed a package because I was out of town for the weekend. And this is the part I feel like is out of sync, we are so busy, constantly having things shipped to us or constantly having things that are in motion, so even if we go away for a vacation weekend, things are still coming and going. It is like a part of our life has to be in motion, even when we are gone, and is just there waiting for us when we get back.
And I get it, it is just a package, it is ridiculous to live your life around waiting by the door for a delivery person to show up. I know it is just one of the many lies that my mental illness tells me when I feel guilty for missing these packages. And by saying it out loud I take away some of the power those lies have. I feel a little less anxiety about missing those packages and a little more freedom to live my life.
And that is the real message I am sending, pun absolutely intended. Anxiety can make us feel guilty or anxious about absolutely ridiculous things, and sometimes rather than let those anxieties bounce around in your head, just saying them out loud will rob them of any power they might have.