I am a bit disorganized. I mean, important stuff I can keep track of, but everything else is lost in the tornado that is my personal space. I have drawers that seem to defy the laws of physics based on how much I can shove in there. My closet has tried to be organized, only to revert back to its wild nature. It is an inefficient system that I don’t always recommend, and one that is probably a reflection of my internal mind.
I say this because my mind is constantly ping-ponging around one idea after another like a mental game of hungry, hungry hippos, except instead of plastic hippos gobbling them up, the shadowy corners of my mind seem to devour the good ideas I have while the demons of mental illness torment me with the negative thoughts, the anxious ones I wish would go away.
And these thoughts, like the various clothes strewn about my floor, or the miscellaneous papers scattering my desk, seem to keep any thought from being too neat or too tidy.
Something I read recently said that maintaining a clean space helps reduce anxiety, but for me I feels like it is the opposite. For me I feel like trying to maintain a clean space is just one more thought bubbling about in my brain, waiting to tag-team my depression and convince me that I can’t accomplish anything.
Yet in reality, I think it is more simple than that. Yes how cluttered or tidy your space is might be a reflection of your mental space, but as long as the mental space and physical space work for you, that is what matters. I think too often our anxiety comes not from cluttered minds or cluttered spaces, but from trying to live up to societal expectations that don’t necessarily match who we are.
And cleaning up those misguided expectations will probably be a lot more beneficial than me cleaning my closet.