What I Fear

I’ve talked a lot over the last couple posts about the value of facing the fears that come with mental illness and how that can be helpful for your recovery. What I haven’t done is talk about what I am afraid of with my mental illnesses.

I am afraid first and foremost of the darkness getting to be too much, of a future where I am too broken to function, too much of a burden for others, and I am discarded on the street. I fear being homeless. I fear failure. I fear success almost as much. I’m afraid that I am letting too many opportunities pass me by because of my depression and anxiety.

I am afraid about the kind of father I will be. I am afraid that I will pass this same darkness on to my daughter.

I am afraid of not having the energy to keep fighting. That I will be so exhausted of all these fears that I won’t be able to move forward.

And I say these things out loud so that you know whatever your fears are, that you are not alone having them. I say it out loud to give context to the previous posts where I talk about facing the fears. I say them out loud because sometimes that is what I need to do to realize how unfounded some of these fears are. Challenging fears with evidence is such an important tool for fighting back against the demons, but sometimes I have to say the fears out loud before I can do that.

These fears, whether unfounded or not, are nevertheless fears that I have to face. Saying them out loud helps me do that. There is no shame in having these fears and definitely no shame in having fears that stem from the darkness of mental illness. And hopefully this post has helped everyone realize that.

Oh, and bees. I’m also afraid of bees.

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