I talked a few weeks ago about my demons and their ghosts. What I meant by that was the struggles I still have accepting the times that I stumbled and fell back before I was relatively stable in my recovery. Moreover, I regret the people I hurt and the people I scared during that time. Those negative feelings sometimes haunt me, tag teaming with my demons to drag me down. Sometimes though, sometimes it is just my demons and their masks.
I say this because despite all the tools I have in my war chest, weapons to fight back against the darkness with, the truth is that my demons still sometimes trip me up. The do this by bringing out their masks, the masks of people from my past and present, twisted and distorted by the darkness to hurt me. They taunt me with opportunities that I missed because I was stuck in the darkness. They try to turn those who would be supportive of me into those that are burdened by my darkness. In short, the demons of my mask do exactly what masks are meant to do, they hide the truth.
Or to put it another way, they lie.
And I know I’ve talked on this page before about how damn good my demons are at lying. Even when they aren’t wearing the masks of people from my past, they lie and try to convince me that I am a burden, that I am dragging everyone around me down. That I won’t amount to anything.
And I talk about it for the same reason that I started this entire site. Because the truth is that talking about it shines a light on it. And the demons of mental illness hate when a light is shined on them.
They may try to hide behind their twisted masks. Yet I have proven every single time that I am stronger than them. And I can do the same this time.
Thanks for reading.